“How dare you…?”

“Be Many!” is back — this time with a new story that nicely highlights an issue with dissociative identity disorder (DID, syn: multiple personality) — the social scorn associated with visible self-injury. I know — it’s another uncomfortable topic I’m bringing up. I experience things almost daily that are extremely painful to me and that encourage me to continue this blog. So the episode is about reactions to my self-injuries. As I have in previous posts, I want to point out the following: If you are feeling unstable, unwell, or have a desire to harm yourself, please a) do not read this article and b) get help! Today, for once, it is me (Svea) who is doing the writing of this article. This is because I am just extremely angry and would like to scream at this woman! Unfortunately, I was not in the situation in the foreground and Chantal, which was then, according to the diary, in charge did simply NOTHING — unbelievable. Therefore it must go out now from me. I have read the diary and found the following entry for the said day:

“How dare you? Put on long clothes! What do the kids think and anyway don’t show off your scars, you just want attention!”
Unknown woman with a big problem

What would you have done? Well, I would have told that woman all the shame! But what is the best way to react in such a situation? As I said, for me only the offensive variant with a verbal attack would come into question — nothing else. I have researched a little and found the following possibilities:

• My favorite: the verbal counterattack — a battle that is fought to the end.
• You give the good woman a 5-minute lecture on DID and hope for understanding.
• Taking note of it and remembering that this person may have problems too.
• One does NOTHING!
• You tell her it’s none of her business and she doesn’t have to look.
• You let her take a picture ;-)

You see, there are a few ways to react in such a situation. Chantal decided to ignore the woman and just keep walking (as I said, I question this approach!). According to the diary, my therapist advocated variant 3) in the subsequent therapy session. I also think that this woman either has problems herself or knows someone who has a similar issue. What reason would a complete stranger have for just driving up to me like that?

So that’s enough from Svea — now it’s my turn (Chantal)! Sorry for the emotional outburst of Svea. I’ll analyze the whole thing now (note: I intentionally left Svea’s text as written by her). It is a classic situation where Svea comes out — a provocation and the feeling of being discriminated/stigmatized. She reacts very emotionally and sarcastically (photo…) and I imagine she must have been quite upset. I still think that I acted correctly in the situation. Option 3 would also have been conceivable for me, but I don’t want to accuse everyone who criticizes me for my appearance of being sick. I can understand this reaction to a certain extent — my arms and legs really don’t win any beauty contests. Nevertheless, I decided to show the scars, but why?

I want to make it clear that I don’t think injuries should be served on a silver platter, i.e. fresh injuries should be taken care of (i.e. covered with a bandage — just like mentally healthy people would do). But as far as old injuries are concerned, I think you should deal with them offensively (and by that I don’t mean rubbing it in everyone’s face when you meet them). Here’s how I handle it: I act normal and don’t show off the injuries on purpose, but when it’s 30°C outside like today, I also wear shorts and t-shirt! If I am then asked about it, I simply say — the TRUTH! Yes, they are self-injuries and yes I am mentally ill, but I am in therapy. You’d be surprised: in 90% of the cases (that’s my feeling statistics ;-)) I get only positive feedback! I prefer people to talk to me normally about my injuries instead of just staring at me for a few seconds — this as a tip for dealing with someone who hurts him-/herself. Of course, each person wishes it differently, you can address me in any case unabashedly!

I do this because I have stopped being ashamed of it — the scars simply belong to me and either you like it or not. I do not want attention with my offensive nature, but want to achieve that the fear of “someone like me” is taken away from other people. There are a lot of prejudices (e.g. DID patients are said to be dangerous) — but more about that in a later post. I have only recently discovered my activist gene and for this reason would like to see more understanding for the disease (and for me as a person). In doing so, I am aware that the sight of my body can be very irritating to someone. But these scars have a reason, a history and are not caused intentionally. It is most important to me that you — when you see someone with self-injuries — do not immediately condemn, but look at the situation in a differentiated way. These people need help!

— Svea/Chantal